LIVE LIKE you MEAN it!

A Thanksgiving Present

2011-11-30T17:12:00.001-05:00

Confessions of a Motorcycle Mama

2011-10-31T16:10:00.009-04:00

A few weeks ago my adult son gave me an opportunity to add to my growing collection of grey hairs by telling me he planned to buy a motorcycle. I have long looked upon motorcycles with fear and aversion, a sentiment that began as a teenager when my father once said to me, "See, the thing about motorcycles is you’ve only got two wheels. If you are riding along at 65 mph and one of those tires gets a flat . . . (and he left the last part to my already too vivid imagination)."

I tried to be impartial and supportive with my son on the phone. I asked about the kind of bike (a used 2001 Suzuki) encouraged him to be safe (he assured me that he had already taken a DMV-approved driving course) and expressed my confidence in his ability to make good decisions (he told me that I didn't need to worry). After this exemplary display of maturity and objectivity on my part I hung up the phone, walked down the stairs, and burst into tears. Two minutes later I was texting him to say I was a mess and would he please drop the whole idea. He was gentle but adamant in saying he was going to buy a bike as planned.

I knew I needed to find a better perspective from which to support Jackson’s decision, and turned to several self-reflective writing practices from my training. Long story short, I found a perspective that allowed me to appreciate my son’s independence, his maturity, and (frankly) his right to live life on his own terms, not mine.

Fast forward to this weekend, when Jackson rode his bike up to CT for a visit. We had joked recently on the phone about the possibility of my taking a small (very small!) spin around the neighborhood with him. He took that idea one step further by buying a second complete set of protective pants, jacket and helmet so I could ride with him on the local parkway. God help me but I got caught up in his excitement, and the bike was way less threatening-looking than I thought it would be, so I agreed to do it.

I had expected to have a coronary as soon as we went faster than 30 mph, but once we got on his bike and headed out I found myself relaxing into the moment instead of getting all uptight. My thought process went something like this: "Well, I’ve committed to this ride and it’s going to go however it goes. I trust Jackson to be a responsible and cautious driver or else I wouldn’t have gotten on the bike in the first place. The best way I can support his ability to drive well is to relax and go with his movements. Being relaxed will allow me to sense which way he is leaning so I can lean with him. And being relaxed will give my own muscles a better chance of going through the experience without being all sore and in spasm afterward."

Then my brain thought it would help by providing an image of the bike skidding out of control (by now we were a quarter mile from home, not yet on the parkway). I immediately felt as fragile and exposed as a butterfly and imagined how easily my bones would snap into little pieces if we were to take even the smallest tumble. I took a deep breath, mentally shrugged and thought, "Oh well, it’s a good day to die." In that moment I chose to accept my vulnerability and enter fully into the experience, even going so far as to allow for the possibility that I might have some fun and adventure in the few remaining moments before I was pulverized by the macadam.

All these realizations flew through my mind in the 5 minutes it took to reach the parkway entrance. We zoomed up the highway for two exits (it took maybe 5 minutes) then turned around and zoomed back. I was calm and at ease, to the point where Jackson was concerned that I wasn’t hanging on to him hard enough! Mind you, I’m not about to go buy a bike or riding gear, but for days afterward I found myself thinking about how exhilarating the whole experience was.

In retrospect, it strikes me that hurtling along on only two tires at 65 mph with a physical level of protection that’s laughable compared to that of a car is a very apt metaphor for what it’s like to live life every day. We hurtle along, not really knowing when or if we will be blindsided by injury, loss, illness, or death. And although we like to think differently, we have just about as much protection as I did on the bike: enough to make you THINK you’re ok, but not enough to truly protect you should the worst case scenario actually happen.

So I’m going to practice riding life’s motorcycle with the same attitude: I’ll do what I can to protect myself, but I will also accept the fact that in the end I can’t protect against everything. I will relax and go with the flow of the experience, especially if it feels like someone else is driving, because that’s the best way to optimize my own chances of survival. Relaxing will allow me to better sense and respond to the events of my life, and it will also cause the least stress on my physical and mental well being. And best of all, surrendering to the experience of the moment opens the possibility that I might actually enjoy the ride!
　

Want to Live Like You Mean It? Get Lost

2011-10-31T15:55:00.005-04:00

I went to a friend’s 50th birthday party last weekend, and she asked those of us who were over 50 to come prepared to share a wisdom we have learned. My wisdom came in the form of a story about something I did with my son when he was very young.

My son is 31 years old now. When he was about 6 or 7 we were driving home after running some errands. When we passed a housing development I turned to him on impulse and said, "Why don’t we get lost?"

He wasn’t certain what I meant but (knowing I could be a bit of a joker) he was intrigued. I turned into the development and told him we were going to drive around until we were lost and didn’t know how to get out.

NOW he was hooked! As I took random turns to the right and left he kept asking, "Are we lost now mom? Now are we lost?" He kept looking at all the new homes and streets, eyes wide and a big smile on his face. You would have thought I was driving him through Disneyland!

I was having fun too, but more from that place of,"Ha, I know we’re not really lost but it’s fun to do something that’s fun for him." Until a point where I realized that I really didn't know where I was! I had gotten completely disoriented: I knew the neighborhood was bordered by four main streets so it was just a matter of time before we got out, but that was when we had no GPS or cell phones and it seemed I was driving in circles.

It started to get dark and I started to get nervous. No one was out and the neighborhood was all residential homes so there were no stores to stop at to get directions. I finally saw a nice looking man on the corner and told Jackson I was going to stop and get directions.

"No!" he cried. "Let’s stay lost! This is fun!" He was so disappointed when I insisted on stopping and getting the directions that would get us home.

So my advice to you is, "Get lost!" Don’t let yourself get so comfortable with the patterns of your life that you lose the ability to enjoy something different. And when life brings you a challenge that makes you feel lost, like changing careers, losing money or ending a relationship, call out to that part of you that stills remembers how fun it can be to not know, to see everything with new eyes, and to find wonder in the newness.

Sometimes you've just gotta meet yourself where you are.

2011-09-28T21:55:00.001-04:00

It takes guts to live like you mean it

2011-06-30T22:23:00.001-04:00

Success starts with core truth

2011-05-11T13:31:00.010-04:00

I’ve always been fascinated by what creates high performance in a company. Over the years I’ve noticed that the factors which support peak performance in an individual are the same factors that cause a business to operate at its best: a focus on core truth, a commitment to a clear vision, and the ability to see and seize unexpected opportunities or guidance.

A key driver of many successful businesses is that ineffable, deeply-held “knowing” of a senior executive or business owner that they are on the right path regardless of the challenges they meet along the way. Their certainty expresses itself in language like, “I believe that this department (division, company) can be successful” or “I don’t know how, but I know we’re going to do this!” You can tell that the statements are not coming from bravado; you can hear the deeply-held conviction in their voice.

I call this deep level of knowing “core truth”. Every successful business person I’ve worked with or interviewed has credited their success in large part to acting on what they often refer to as gut instinct, a deeply felt certainty that this is the way to go even though logic might suggest otherwise. They learned to trust their internal “green light” or “red light” feelings and they use their core truth in decision-making as much as they do their thinking mind.

A business that operates from core truth seems to exude a higher level of commitment, conviction and passion that in turn resonates for us. Most of us prefer to buy from companies that we believe in: we trust that they will deliver on their promises.

Core truth also provides the solid ground upon which to stand when challenges arise. For example, a colleague of mine was preparing to give a presentation to a major corporation. Even though the presentation was excellent, she continued to feel a nagging sense that something critical was missing. We talked the day before the meeting and I asked her why she felt her company was so uniquely suited to take on this project. She started talking about the values upon which her company was founded: being innovative, integrating systems to save both time and money, using best in class technologies.

The more she talked about her business’ core values (truths), the more passionate and self-assured she became. The truth of what she believed became the spark that turned a factual presentation of capabilities into a roaring fire of conviction. When her company was awarded the project, she was told it was due as much to who she was being as it was the impressiveness of her track record and unique services. They felt the fire of her conviction and truth.

What companies would you say communicate and follow their core values and truth? While I haven’t done any research on the companies I’m about to mention, I would nominate Zappo’s, the original Bear Naked granola company, General Electric and UTC. I’d love to hear your thoughts!

Click on the following link to learn more about the LIVE like YOU MEAN it! peak performance training. Or visit LinkedIn to learn more about my marketing and project management services: Power Source Now, LLC .

Lead like you mean it!

2011-04-30T19:52:00.003-04:00

Recently I reconnected with an old business colleague through Linked In. It was so much fun to reminisce about the years we had worked together. Afterward I found myself thinking about the man who had been the president of our division at the time. He was an outstanding boss, the best I had ever worked for. It occurred to me that he is a great example of what happens when you live like you mean it (or lead like you mean it) in a business environment.

Dan (pseudonym) first joined our division as a regional sales manager. When I knew him he was our division president, and eventually he rose to become a senior VP in the corporate offices. Dan was an incredible leader who understood the inner workings of both businesses and people. He practiced “management by walking around”: wandering through the halls of our division from engineering to manufacturing, talking with people, getting updates, and spreading his business gospel. I had never worked for someone who could rally the troops, demand high performance and still keep everyone motivated the way this man could.

The more I observed Dan in action the more intrigued I became about what made him such a skillful leader. After watching Dan for over a year I couldn’t stand it any longer: I walked into his office on an impulse one afternoon and asked him what books or mentors had influenced his management style. God only knows what he thought of my unexpected intrusion, but happily he put aside whatever affairs of state were on his desk and spoke with me for a few minutes.

Dan said he learned 3 things an executive must do to ensure a business operates at its best:

Hire well. Find high-caliber employees who have the strengths, skills and experience required for the job.

Communicate expectations. Make sure each employee is extremely clear about what they are expected to do. Provide detailed goals and performance measures.

Clear the runway for their success. Provide the space and resources your employees need to do their jobs well.

Dan emphasized the importance of removing obstacles that were beyond the scope and responsibility of an individual or department. For example, he would run interference when dictates from corporate HQ threatened to derail his peoples’ focus on division goals. He stepped in as needed to ensure his managers worked together effectively despite conflicting work styles or inter-departmental rivalries. Dan would find ways to beg borrow and/or steal (all figuratively speaking of course) the money and resources his division needed while constantly challenging his teams to do more with less.

Dan lived his three management principals every day and he demanded as much of himself as he did of others. This made for a fast-paced environment that could be stressful at times but was also very rewarding both intellectually and materially.

Have you worked for someone who also knew how to lead like you mean it? What would you say made that person such an effective leader?

Click on the following link to learn more about the LIVE like YOU MEAN it! peak performance training. Or visit LinkedIn to learn more about my marketing and project management services: Power Source Now, LLC .

What do you mean, the office doesn’t revolve around me?!

2011-03-31T19:24:00.009-04:00

I've gotta say, this one was fun to write! I was thinking about all the ways people act inappropriately in a work environment. When I say they act inappropriately I don't mean they act in a way that is against the rules. I mean they act in a way that is disempowering to themselves. They get in the way of their own success without even knowing it.

Five Habits of Highly Self-Absorbed People

1. Don’t waste your time trying to understand why others behave the way they do in the office. Just be critical of them and move on – you’ve got work to do.

2. It’s easier to expect everyone else to adjust their work style to accommodate yours. After all, why should you change? You’re fine just the way you are.

3. Don’t bother checking to make sure you have communicated clearly. Anyone who doesn’t get what you said is an idiot anyway.

4. Definitely do not ask for help or admit that a project isn’t going well. If you do, your boss will think you're incompetent.

5. Be sure everything you do is motivated by whether it makes you look good. No one really believes all that rhetoric about teamwork and corporate values; it’s every person for them selves.

Do you have other habits you’d like to add to the list?!?

Visit LinkedIn to learn more about my marketing and project management services: Power Source Now, LLC . Or click on the following link to learn more about the LIVE like YOU MEAN it! peak performance training.

It all starts with having a vision

2011-02-27T17:10:00.014-05:00

Another cardinal rule is to always create a vision before you take important actions. Visions are different than goals. A goal is a specific, time-bound, measurable result: lose 20 pounds in 3 months, increase customer satisfaction by 20% in 2011. A vision describes the end benefit or desired outcome that occurs once you have achieved your goals. What is your vision for how well your business product or service performs or is perceived by your target customers? Exactly how great do you expect to look and/or feel after you've lost those 20 pounds?

A well-crafted vision becomes your true north: the clearer you can be about your destination, the better chance you have of actually getting there. A vision acts as a touchstone to help choose between possible courses of action. It is a benchmark against which you can measure your progress. And most importantly, a vision is so personally evocative and desirable that it keeps you motivated when nothing else will.

To create a vision, write or speak a best case scenario for the desired outcome. Write it from your heart instead of your head, even if it’s a vision for a new job or business. Write something that resonates completely with the truth of who you are, what you value and what you are ready to create. For many clients this is the hardest step. Yet once they write their vision they are often shocked by the many ways in which unforeseen circumstances deliver welcome opportunities, support and guidance. A powerful vision invites that reality into your life.

Here is an example from a recent client who desperately wanted to create a new job for herself. She had been doing all the right things for months with no success. After listening to my audio CD she wrote the following in her journal:

"I noticed since I was a teenager that if I really wanted something and stayed focused on it, that I'd get my wish. These CD's answered why. I was co-creating with the universe, only then I didn't know it. (And back then I didn't carry a bag filled with negativity either, as I do now.) I had forgotten how I could create miracles in my life, such as the birth of my son, helping my mother to save her house from an alcoholic husband and gain a second chance at life, and being able to find a temporary job when I had only $8 left in my checking account.

I realize I haven’t really created a specific vision for the job I want. I hate the job I am in and I’ve just been trying to find any job so I could get out of there. I never stopped to think about what kind of job I would love. So here is a vision for my perfect job:

My Vision: I have a rewarding position affiliated with the healthcare industry that pays well and does not require a long commute. I work as a financial manager in the medical industry, and my pay is 15% more than I’m making now. I’d love a great work environment (people who are smart, helpful, and supportive) that is close to my son’s school and football practice, and I’d like to start by December 2010."

Within a month of writing her vision a former work colleague called my client to say her company was looking for a financial manager and she wondered if my client was interested. The position was in the Medical Devices Industry, very close to home, at a higher level of pay. Every interview went beautifully and she was offered the job. Then she unexpectedly got a paid week off from her current job before starting the new one. In her words, "Writing a vision WORKS. I am so grateful!”

More than you know, your every thought, word and action reflects who you are in the world and what you expect (or don’t expect) to create. A vision helps to consistently and powerfully focus your thoughts, words and actions on exactly what you are ready to create. Always write a vision before you take action!

Click on the following link to learn more about the LIVE like YOU MEAN it! peak performance training. Or visit LinkedIn to learn more about my marketing and project management services: Power Source Now, LLC .

Best Regards,

Beverly

Confluence

2011-01-31T20:53:00.000-05:00

Practicing what I preach: using visions everywhere in my life

2010-12-31T08:22:00.000-05:00

Watch for the Drivers in Your LIfe

2010-11-30T21:15:00.002-05:00

Shining Examples of Living Like You Mean It: Meet the Wonderful Students at Grace Institute

2010-10-31T12:50:00.001-04:00

Sometimes You Can Go Further Faster in a Rough Sea

2010-09-30T15:20:00.005-04:00

The Benefits of Getting Lost Once in a While

2010-09-30T15:17:00.001-04:00

A mugging changes a young man's life for the better.

2010-07-29T12:08:00.006-04:00

Love was born on a Southwest Flight

2010-06-30T13:37:00.004-04:00

Confluence happens when you LIVE like YOU MEAN it!

Confluence (noun): convergence, coming together, a meeting or joining of two or more things, e.g., a point at which two or more streams combine.

You are all familiar with the idea of coincidence: an event that happens purely by chance but ends up supporting you in some unexpected way. You decide to replace your car, and two days later a friend mentions that they are selling theirs. You can’t stop thinking about someone on a given day, and sure enough they call.

I do not believe in coincidences. To me, each fortuitous twist of fate is really a confluence: it’s a meaningful coming together of events that is designed to support you in some way.

Just as two streams of water converge to create a larger, more powerful stream, so there are two streams of energy constantly interacting in your life. There is the stream of your own life and being: your thoughts, words, intentions and actions. And there is the infinite stream of universal consciousness, the energy of all that is.

Confluences do happen without your conscious intention. However, if you focus your thoughts, words and actions in a consistent and clear way you will accelerate both the number and magnitude of the confluences that come your way.

In other posts I will talk further about what you can do to accelerate confluences in your life. In this post I’d like to share a wonderful example of how confluence caused soulmates to find each other.

(Sharon’s version)
My four sisters insisted on celebrating my 60th birthday by a flight back to Kansas in early February. My older sister is a big fan of Southwest Airlines as her brother-in-law, Larry, is a Southwest airline steward who loves his job. I had never flown Southwest but had heard good things about their service.

It was a brutally cold day. I checked in electronically getting my seat assignment/ boarding pass and after going through the scans arrived at the gate with time to spare.

When Southwest announced boarding time, I noticed something new: “queue lines”. Other passengers kept moving me back politely pointing out that I was the last group to board. Finally, I handed the gate attendant my ticket. I noticed that she didn’t hand me back my boarding pass portion. I was going to turn back to get it, but someone was pushing me forward. I decided that I would just chant my seat assignment “C 16” all the way down the boarding ramp and down the aisle so I wouldn’t forget it.

As I got near my seat, I noticed that some man was sitting in it. I assertively but nicely said “I think you are in my seat.” He just as politely and assertively said “No, I am not in your seat.” With regret that I hadn’t turned back to get my boarding pass, I realized I had nothing to refute his statement. With both of us being so sure of ourselves, I wondered how this was going to end.

He mentioned something about open seating and then solved the dilemma by quickly jumping up, swinging my red carry-on suitcase overhead and gestured to the seat in the middle, “Here, sit here!” I was too tired to argue so I settled into my seat and quickly took out my book, The Alchemist. He took his book out simultaneously and said, “Great book! I looked over and he was reading one by the same author, Paul Coelho! We started to discuss the books and before I knew it, two hours had flown by.

He gave me his business card before we deplaned in Nashville and also gave me an awkward sideways hug due to our carry-on luggage. We went our separate ways.

I did call him when I got back to CT. Eight weeks have gone by since that mistaken seat assignment of C-16. Steve and I have talked every day since meeting and have had many wonderful dates. I am very much in love with my Southwest unexpected “date”. My sister is taking all the credit as I had to fly on her schedule of Feb. 5th and on Southwest due to her preference. She also has deep faith and sees our meeting as an answer to her prayers for me – I agree that there were many heavenly forces at work!

(Steve’s version)
I hadn’t originally intended to go on this trip, but decided to travel to see my grandsons as a consolation prize for having to miss a two-week conference in Hawaii.

I saw her in the gate area, reading a book I’d just finished by Paulo Coelho called The Alchemist. I looked from the book cover to the face of the woman and she was a beautiful woman whose face just intrigued me. I even thought to myself, “Now there would be an interesting person to chat with.”

Being a frequent Southwest flier, I knew the drill and got a great seat assignment. Opening my Paulo Coelho book, The Devil & Miss Prym I simply started reading, waiting for the flight to fill and get on our way.

Southwest’s Cupid was on that flight and a bunch of other angels too, I would later learn, but for now, I settled in my seat and anxiously waited to lift off. As I began to read in earnest, a woman stopped at my seat and paused. I looked up and heard her say, “I’m sorry, but you’re in my seat!” I looked at her again and politely replied, “There are no assigned seats on Southwest flights, but you’re welcome to sit take this middle seat.”

“No, she insisted, “I have seat C-16, and you are sitting in my seat.” As polite as she was, I looked again and there was the same woman I’d seen in the gate area, reading Paulo Coelho’s book. She graciously consented to give “up her seat” and take the middle seat, being much smaller than myself and I got up and helped her stow her bag in the overhead and let her get comfortable.

To my utter delight, Sharon and I and talked for the entire two hour flight. She even shared with me that in prayer, she had been told that she was going to meet a man! Now, I was intrigued. It was the most delightful flight I’d ever taken on Southwest or any airline, and never noticed a bump or even the landing for that matter, I don’t believe. I was totally captivated by this wonderfully fresh, beautiful and interesting woman.

In Nashville, I gave her my card and hoped beyond measure that she might get in touch with me. Well, it’s been two months now, and we are so totally in love that the Southwest Cupid could not have made a more direct or perfect match.

Thanks, Southwest, for turning a disappointing cancelled Hawaiian trip into a great weekend with my grandsons and meeting Sharon.

When you LIVE like YOU MEAN it! ™ you learn to live your core truth with clarity, commitment and conviction. When you take that courageous first step, you open the floodgates to a tidal wave of confluences.

I hope you enjoyed this post. If you would like to know more about the LIVE like YOU MEAN it! training, the next teleseminar begins on September 22. Click on LIVE like YOU MEAN it! Teleseminar.

Best Regards,

Beverly

Confluence happens when you LIVE like YOU MEAN it!

2010-05-31T10:06:00.001-04:00

Thoughts about Destiny

2010-04-30T10:26:00.011-04:00

There is a lovely book of ancient wisdom called, “The Book of Runes” by Ralph H. Blum (New York: St. Martin’s Press, 1993). In a chapter that discusses the idea of destiny, Mr. Blum defines the term as “your ideal passage through this life, your ideal possibility”. Rather than equating destiny to fate, a preordained outcome that cannot be changed, Mr. Blum seems to view destiny more as the inner purpose of a life that can be discovered and realized.

Destiny is a fluid thing. The choices you make each day can dam it up or allow it to flow freely. Destiny waits upon your attention: it is there for you to discover or for you to ignore. And once you’ve discovered your destiny, it’s up to you to make of it what you will.

Perhaps you will have a blinding flash of insight as to the path you’re meant to walk. Or perhaps your destiny will be revealed in brief moments of clarity that flicker brightly and then disappear, like the flame of a match. Either path will serve.

Unfortunately, finding your destiny doesn’t automatically guarantee a smooth road, a singing choir of angels and an easy life. In fact, the road may get incredibly more difficult and challenging. If that's the case, why bother? Life can be hard enough without inviting even more uncertainty and heartache.

I bother because at the end of my life I want to be able to look back and say, “Good for you. You engaged with your life as fully as possible. You took chances in order to follow the path that felt right. You were willing to fail and to succeed. And you remembered to have fun along the way, to notice and enjoy all the beauty and blessings that life has to offer.”

My favorite line in Mr. Blum’s destiny chapter is this:

“If your limitations define what you may not do in the world, they also challenge you to accept yourself and get on with what is yours to achieve.”

What a lovely slap in the face! The choice is always mine: to spend endless hours lamenting my shortcomings and failures, or to focus on moving forward in whatever way I can, regardless of how humble that way might seem.

How will I know what is mine to achieve? It will be those things that I accomplish after I follow my truth, put forth my best effort, and face my fears along the way. This is how I will discover my destiny, my best passage through life, and my ideal possibility.

I hope you enjoyed this post. If you would like to know more about the LIVE like YOU MEAN it! training, the next teleseminar begins on May 25th. Click on LIVE like YOU MEAN it! Teleseminar.

Best Regards,

Beverly

Don't try to "get through" tough times. Break through instead!

2010-03-29T19:20:00.005-04:00

A friend of mine is currently going through a tough time at work. A major project has been stalled out for months. He’s facing resistance from coworkers in other departments and his boss is putting a lot of pressure on him to start showing results. Already working hard, Alan has shifted into an even higher gear and is feeling stressed out and anxious.

Knowing that he faced another big deadline at the end of the week, I emailed Alan to ask how he was doing. He wrote back that his nose was raw from being pressed to the grindstone and, “I just want to get through the next two days and sleep on Saturday”.

As soon as I saw the words “get through” I knew Alan had the opportunity of a lifetime in front of him. And, that this was exactly the time when he would least want to do what he needed to, to take advantage of it.

Fortunately Alan is very familiar with the work I do as a personal development trainer, so when I gently pointed out that his crisis offered a pivotal opportunity for personal growth, he grumblingly (or was it out of desperation?) agreed to work with me in hopes of breaking through his current deadlock.

When your life is going smoothly, there’s no incentive to do things any differently. You continue to use the same strengths and the same coping or defense mechanisms. If a problem arises that you can’t resolve with your usual bag of tricks, your first response will be to use those same tricks at a more intense level. For example, if your strength has always been to work hard, you’ll work harder. If your strength lies in your intellect, you’ll lose sleep trying to figure out an answer. When your usual strengths or coping mechanisms fail to answer the problem, you eventually burn yourself out and feel drained, frustrated and angry.

It is exactly when you are at this lowest point that your greatest opportunity exists. When extreme challenges cause your usual success or coping mechanisms to collapse, you a clear view of what’s behind those mechanisms: the old beliefs, habits and fears that are getting in your way.

As we worked together Alan began to see that his tendency to assume complete responsibility for getting the job done was actually working against him this time around. He did not trust others enough to delegate responsibilities or to ask for advice, nor was he good at adjusting his working style to better match the working style of his colleagues. At a deeper level, Alan also realized that his sense of self worth was completely dependent upon being successful in everything he undertook. Failure in any form was unacceptable. That fear kept him from considering unfamiliar (and seemingly risky) solutions, e.g., being willing to rely on the advice and support of others.

Alan is still in process of turning his project around so I am not going to give you the usual happy ending that comes with these types of stories. On the other hand, Alan has discovered he is much less stressed about the challenge he is facing, which in turn has left him more open to possible solutions. He has shifted how he approaches his coworkers and is slowly earning their trust and cooperation. He has brought his boss into the loop more, sharing both his progress and asking for advice in the areas where he is stuck. Importantly, he feels more resilient and confident in his ability to deal with this and any other challenges that might arise.

The next time you face a major breakdown in life look for ways to shift your focus from getting through it to breaking through into a higher level of personal effectiveness and resilience. Don’t deny the pain or emotions you may feel, but don’t wallow in them either. Look for the wisdom and growth that can be gained from your experience, knowing that this wisdom will benefit you and others throughout the rest of your life.

I hope you enjoyed this post. The original article appeared in 2009 on the website of the Dynamically Versed Speaker Bureau.

My next teleseminar begins on May 25th - if you'd like more information click on LIVE like YOU MEAN it! Teleseminar.

Best Regards,

Beverly

But what am I supposed to do with my life?

2010-01-29T15:56:00.006-05:00

Most people feel confused and unhappy when they ask themselves this question. Something’s missing in their life. They can feel it: a deep-seated sense of dissatisfaction, often in spite of having achieved a great deal of success by most standards. They feel an insistent tug to somehow do things differently but they don’t know how to go about it.

They hate that they don't have the answer, and usually assume this means they are incompetent or not measuring up in some way.

When a client tells me they are struggling with this question I say, “Congratulations! You’re focused on exactly the right thing!” Struggling to find an answer to the right question is a thousand-fold improvement over never realizing that the question needs to be asked in the first place.

What will you create with your life? How do you choose?

By now you already know my answer: your core truth knows best.

Rather than using your thinking mind to decide what to create, I suggest you turn to a more accurate voice for guidance and direction: your core truth or deepest knowing. Your core truth is your direct connection to the Truth of all that is. It is a level of "knowing" that transcends the logic-based limits of your thinking mind. And it is that voice that has known all along what it is you are meant to do with your life. You just forgot (or didn’t know) to listen to it.

Your core truth is an infallible inner guidance system; it always sends you in the direction of your fullest potential and greatest joy. Your thinking mind, on the other hand, can be hijacked by your ego and you end up seeking outcomes out of misplaced neediness or fear instead of what you are truly meant to create.

Feeling excited or energized? You must be on the right track.

You are meant to use your core truth for all decisions great and small - for choosing everything from paint colors to career paths. And one of the signals that tells you you're on the right track is when you feel a surge of energy or excitement as you consider moving in a certain direction. There's a reason you love the idea of certain careers, vacations or hobbies and hate the idea of others - that's your inner guidance system indicating what direction is best for you.

An important tip: Always create a vision before you take action

Let your deepest truth help you get results more effectively by using it to craft a vision for whatever you wish to create. Write down a perfect case scenario for the career, partner, home or lifestyle you want. Ignore any limiting beliefs, judgments or criticisms that your brain tries to throw into the mix, for example:

"I can't achieve this."
"I don't deserve this."
"This won't make any difference."

Write your vision in the present tense, as if you have already reached your goal. Stand in that moment of success. What do you feel like? What does your life look like? What is it like for others around you? Make your vision as personally exciting and meaningful as you can. A well written vision provides a level of clarity and motivation that helps to call those results into your life.

Before you focus on a goal:
"Get a new job, one I really enjoy (or that pays more money)"

Write a vision:
"I work closely with a team of people who enjoy what they do."
"My assignments are constantly changing; they challenge me to learn and grow."
"I travel a fair amount, and enjoy exploring each new location."
"I set my own work schedule, including working from home when I choose."
"I live where it is warm and beautiful all year."

Your vision works for you, so you don't have to work so hard!

A client of mine wrote the above vision as she was considering her next career move. Within two months she received a phone call from an old work colleague she hadn't heard from in years. A new position had opened up in that colleague's company and they wondered if my client would be interested in the job.

When my client read the job description, it was almost a perfect match with her vision (including relocating to Florida). The clarity of your vision invites the reality. Always create a detailed, personally compelling vision before you take action!

If you found this post to be helpful I invite you to check out my LIVE like YOU MEAN it!™ teleseminars and audio training program.

My best to you!

Living Like You Mean It: Are you reacting or creating?

2009-11-30T21:07:00.008-05:00

Rise Up

2009-09-30T13:47:00.006-04:00

Click on the image to see a larger view.

I wrote this “Rise Up” piece in a journal several years ago. I reread it whenever I get too caught up in trying to get everything right in my life: to be the right parent, the right partner, the right friend, the right version of a human being. The quote reminds me that in the end there is no particular place I have to be, either in terms of external accomplishment or personal development. Yes, I can choose to continue learning and growing, to serve others, find right livelihood and give full expression to the truth of who I am. But that choice is most powerfully made when it starts with the realization that right here, right now, who I am is already sufficient. Right here, right now, this little piece of star stuff who knows herself by the name of Beverly Sastri is exactly as she is meant to be, including her faults, failings, and fears.

In a little while the rest of the day will unfold as it always does in Beverly-land: with some combination of daily routine, unexpected disruption and satisfying accomplishment. Thoughts will occur that inspire and uplift, other thoughts will bring sadness and uncertainty. The day will offer endless opportunities to be more of what I want to be: more open, more successful, more selfless, more self aware. And as always, the day will end with a personal tally that includes both successes and failures.

That’s the way life has been for the past 53 years, and I have a sneaking suspicion that life will continue to go on this way for many years to come. So I wake up each morning and choose to once again engage with the day. I choose to once again play this precious and crazy game called being human. And when I am very lucky, I also remember that this little piece of star stuff called Beverly Sastri already represents an infinitely small yet infinitely significant aspect of all that is. My place in the universe is already certain, and that core-felt truth gives me the freedom to rise up and greet the day with confidence, optimism, and a renewed sense of purpose. Life gets that much lighter, and so do I.

Living Like You Mean It: Tips on Tracking Your Truth

2009-08-30T19:49:00.008-04:00

Tracking and acting on the messages you receive from your core truth is one of the most profound and helpful things you can do each day. In addition to sending instinctive feelings of “green light/true” and “red light/not true”, your core truth also uses what I call “pop up thoughts” to get its messages across. Pop up thoughts are your core truth’s version of instant messaging.

A pop up thought is just that: a thought that seems to randomly “pop up” out of nowhere into your conscious mind. Have you ever been working at your desk and all of a sudden a thought pops into your head to call a particular person or check on a project deliverable? You weren’t even thinking about that client or project at the time, yet the thought spontaneously arises to make the call. When this happens, do you usually act on the thought or do you dismiss it because it isn’t related to what you were working on?

Start to notice and act on your pop up thoughts. You may be astonished at how many you receive each day and how satisfying the results can be when you act on them in the moment.

For example, a colleague of mine was working furiously on a deadline to write a commissioned article when she noticed an old brochure that had been floating around on her desk for over a year. The brochure was from a presentation she had given at her alma mater; Pam had always intended to get back in touch with the group but had never quite gotten around to it.

As soon as her eyes fell on the brochure Pam had a sudden strong impulse to stop what she was doing, call the university and ask whether they might be interested in hiring her to give another lecture or workshop. The woman who answered said, “That’s so weird; we just had a meeting this morning where we were discussing the need to bring in someone to speak on your topic!” Needless to say, Pam got the gig.

Exercise: Start to notice your pop up thoughts and act on them whenever possible.

Post your comments: What was it like to notice your pop up thoughts? What happened when you acted on them?

In my next post you’ll discover how to let the events of your life work for you, so you don’t have to work so hard!

Living Like You Mean It: Acting on Your Core Truth

2009-07-31T12:13:00.007-04:00

While getting in touch with your core truth is fairly easy, acting on that truth can be a challenge. The difficulty arises because the input you get from your core truth is not always in agreement with what your thinking mind has to say.

We’ve all been taught to rely on our thinking minds as our primary guidance system in life. Wrong! That role belongs exclusively to your core truth. Your thinking mind plays an equally critical but secondary role: once your core truth points out the best direction to move in, your thinking mind becomes a powerful propulsion system that helps you reach your destination.

It takes a bit of practice to create the proper relationship between your core truth and thinking mind. Like learning how to swim, it’s easiest if you immerse yourself slowly and gradually develop a familiarity with the new environment. Start by looking for safe opportunities to act on your core truth. As you begin to enjoy the benefits of these actions, your trust and confidence in using your core truth will grow.

Immerse yourself slowly: look for safe opportunities to practice acting on your truth.

Example 1: Red light feelings of “not true” usually happen when you gossip about others; can you stop yourself before you start? What "green light" conversation could you have instead?

Example 2: Be honest with yourself about your true feelings, motivation and behaviors. Do you really not have enough time to exercise, or are you just procrastinating? If it’s the latter, act on your truth and go to the gym.

Example 3: When you sulk and your spouse asks, “What’s wrong?” instead of saying, “Nothing” can you find a way to gently share what’s bothering you instead?

BTW, speaking your truth does NOT mean you bludgeon other people over the head with it! Speak with courtesy and be respectful of the other person’s feelings. Knowing what’s true for you doesn’t mean you are right and everyone else is wrong!

Post Your Comments: How easy or difficult was it to act on your truth? If it was difficult, why? What happened when you acted on your truth?

In my next post I’ll share some additional ways to notice and track the messages you receive from your Core Truth.

Living Like You Mean It: Discover the simple truth for standout success. It happens when you live like you mean it!

2009-06-01T09:24:00.007-04:00

In my previous post I had promised to give you a lived experience of how life becomes richer and more satisfying when you “LIVE like YOU MEAN it.” Well, it’s time to rock! This is the first of a series of posts designed to show you how to live like you mean it and create new levels of resilience, effectiveness and opportunity.

Each post will introduce a new concept and offer a suggestion as to how you can practice it. You can then use the Comments section to report back in and tell me what happened. Together we will create an ongoing dialogue that will help you deepen and refine each skill so it is constantly supporting you in your life. As more people participate we will all benefit from sharing our unique experiences, challenges and lessons.

Lesson 1: Your Core Truth is Your Solid Ground
You live like you mean it when you live your truth with clarity, commitment and conviction. Your core truth is your solid ground: the truth of who you are, what you value, and what you are passionate about creating in the world can never be taken from you.

In order to live your truth you have to find it first. Happily, I can guarantee that you’ve already had many experiences of hearing from your truth. For example, I’ll bet there were courses in high school or college that were particularly attractive to you: science, the arts, or engineering. And if I asked what sports or hobbies you enjoy you’d be able to tell me pretty quickly. You don’t even have to think too hard before answering: you “just know” what kind of people, experiences and places you prefer. That’s your core truth guiding you!

Your core truth is always sending you messages and guidance. The trick is learning how to first recognize and then act on those messages when they arrive. This week’s exercise is designed to help you recognize what it feels like when your core truth sends “true” and “not true” signals. Click on the following link to begin (it takes about 5 minutes to complete):

Live Like You Mean It: Get in Touch With Your Core Truth

Post Your Comments: Where do you get “true” (or green light) signals in your life? Where do you get “not true” (red light) signals?

For the next week, just practice noticing when you receive a “true” or “not true” signal and let me know how you're doing. For example, I always get a “not true” (red light) feeling whenever I’m about to share a piece of gossip. One part of me is dying to share it, and another is quietly shaking it's head and saying, "Don't go there, girlfriend." You may meet someone and instantly feel at ease with them (a true/green light signal) or instead feel very uncomfortable around them (a not true/red light signal).

In my next post we’ll start to practice living more actively in alignment with that truth.

The Wisconsin Department of Tourism and I agree: It's GREAT to live like you mean it!

2009-03-19T12:01:00.005-04:00

I had a rather surreal experience earlier this week: just as I was finishing my morning coffee I received a call from an Associated Press reporter who wanted to know what I thought about Wisconsin’s announcement of their new tourism slogan: live like you mean it!

After recovering from my surprise, both at the news and at the fact that a reporter was even calling to ask my opinion, I said I assumed Wisconsin had good reason to adopt the phrase and told him I wished the state success in their campaign. (Unfortunately, the only comment the reporter chose to print was my attempt to deflect his many pointed questions about whether I planned to take legal action.)

As soon as we hung up I googled Wisconsin tourism to see what the buzz was all about. Their newly-launched logo features the silhouette of a person joyously cart wheeling across the top of the word “Wisconsin”: http://www.jsonline.com/business/41243942.html Tourism Secretary Kelli Trumble said that “ ‘Live like you mean it’ speaks to the fact that if you can imagine it, you can do it in Wisconsin.”

“Not bad,” I thought. In my workshops I love to read a quote by Goethe:
“Whatever you can do, or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power and magic in it.”

The definition I use for my workshops and training is slightly different: you live like you mean it when you live your truth with clarity, commitment and conviction. For starters, do you even know what your truth is? I’m not talking about all the opinions and judgments you have, or the beliefs you acquired as you grew up. I’m asking if you understand at a gut level the truth of who you are and what you came here (into this life) to do.

And if you are fortunate enough to know the truth of who you are and what you are meant to create, are you willing to actually live that truth out there in the world? Are you ready to do what it takes to walk toward a vision that your heart cries out for you to create? And if not, what is stopping you?

In upcoming blogs we’re going to have an opportunity to look more deeply into what it takes to live like you mean it. I will use a blog to introduce a concept and offer a suggestion as to how you can practice or experience it. You can then use the Comments section in each blog to report back in and tell me what happened, and we can begin a dialogue that will help you deepen and refine each skill so it is constantly supporting you in your life.

Stay tuned. And I agree with you, Wisconsin: it’s great to live like you mean it!

The Positive Psychology Movement: Happiness isn’t just for bliss ninnies anymore.

2009-02-16T18:57:00.005-05:00

For as long as I can remember I’ve been a serial optimist: no matter what happened to me or others I would always look on the bright side. Got dumped by your boyfriend? Then someone better is bound to show up. Made a fool of yourself at school? Chin up and be patient: you won’t even remember this a year from now.

Unfortunately, I learned pretty quickly that not everyone appreciates an optimist’s perspective. In fact, many people find it positively annoying. So I hid my glass-half-full opinions and became a closet optimist.

You can imagine how delighted I’ve been to watch the burgeoning Happiness movement erupt over the last several years. Best-selling books on happiness, college courses on happiness, happiness clubs. People are acting as if they’ve discovered a new form of penicillin. Doctors, psychologists and social scientists are documenting not only the physical, psychological and social effects of a positive attitude; they are also discovering more far reaching effects on everything from quality of education to economics. So much credence has been given to the power of positive psychology that one can now get a Master’s degree in it at an Ivy League school (University of Pennsylvania). To which I say, “It’s about time!”

A WORD OF CAUTION
I do, however, want to offer a caution now that serial optimism has been legitimized: do not seek to create a state of happiness or a positive outlook in order to get something more out of life. If you try to use positive thinking as a tool to acquire material success or inner peace, you are missing the point. You are still stuck in striving to get somewhere, which implies that your current state of being is undesirable. That belief will continue to cause you more suffering no matter what you acquire. Happiness or a positive outlook is not meant to be a means to an end; it is an end in and of itself.

Another important point: do not think of happiness or a positive outlook as a skill you need to learn. Happiness or contentment is an innate state of being that already exists within you, ready to be accessed whenever you so choose. Instead of using your thinking mind to try and “train” yourself to be happy, use meditation or other mindfulness practices to bring your attention to the calm waters that are always present at the core of your being.

What practices will help you return to the calm waters within? Here are some possibilities:
Yoga
Holding a pet
Meditation
Participating in a silent retreat
Getting a gentle massage
Qigong or Tai Chi
Journeying (a Shamanic practice)
Walking or sitting quietly in nature
Practicing mindfulness (being completely aware of the present moment) while hiking, sitting quietly, or
Reading inspired texts (e.g., by Eckhart Tolle, Jane Roberts, Byron Katie)

Look beneath the surface of your life

2009-01-27T18:53:00.002-05:00

Too often we fall into the trap of suffering through the events of our lives instead of looking more deeply into those events for the lessons and guidance they contain. When you stand at the edge of a pond and look straight down into the water, usually the first thing you see is your own reflection. But if you shift your perspective slightly all of the sudden you are able to look beneath the water’s surface to see the pebbles and grasses on the bottom.

It’s the same way with the events of our lives: our initial reaction is to see only the most immediate or surface aspect of what is happening. All we can see is that something bad is happening to ME. However, with a slight shift in perspective you can look past that surface reflection to see the deeper wisdom and guidance that the events of your life are trying to bring you.

One of my favorite ways to practice this is to see external events as a metaphor for an internal aspect of myself that is asking to be corrected. One week a friend of mine was exasperated to find that both his home and office phones weren’t working. What was weird was that his house was the only home in the neighborhood experiencing problems, and it was only his extension at work that was down.

At a surface level the natural response is to think, “Why does everything always happen to ME?” but we noted how outrageous it was that only his phones were being affected. We looked to see how this might be a metaphor for some internal process that needed correction. I asked him what phones meant to him, and of course they stand for communication. A “downed line” meant no communication. Was there anywhere in his life right now where he was not saying something that needed to be communicated? He instantly thought of two significant conversations that he had been putting off because they were going to be uncomfortable.

Another friend went to her office one day this past winter only to discover that the inside temperature was 40 degrees; the fuel tank for her furnace was on empty. The very next day she woke up to a freezing cold bedroom because her home furnace was also on the fritz! The synchronicity of the two events was pretty amazing, so we looked to see what the larger metaphor might be. She realized that her life had become especially hectic over the last couple of months. She was “running on empty” and not paying enough attention to replenishing her own physical and emotional reserves.

The last example struck near and dear to my own heart: the motherboard on my office laptop went down. Unfortunately, it went down on a weekend so I had to wait a couple of extra days before the new motherboard could be installed. A technician finally arrived to replace the broken component and two days later (again on a weekend) I discovered the new component was defective when my laptop went down again!

Even in the midst of my anger, frustration and grief over being computer-less for a significant portion of two weeks (when you work from home it feels like losing a limb) I knew this was a metaphor for something else that was going on in my life. I asked the technician what a motherboard is comparable to in a human body, and they said it was similar to the processing or thinking aspect of the mind. Bingo!

I did not have to look any further to realize how, in the midst of several hurdles that had arisen lately, I had defaulted to my old behavior of trying to think through and fix everything that wasn’t working. By over-intellectualizing everything I was burning out my own internal motherboard. The wiser (but scarier) course of action would be to take a time out and let my life take care of itself for a while. I needed to go with the flow instead of trying to fight it.

When you look beneath the surface of the events in your life, what wisdom or guidance do you see?

Propel your life forward: Follow your truth!

2009-01-08T19:39:00.001-05:00

Core truth is a key concept that drives the workshops I teach. It’s also the touchstone from which I strive to live my life. You are already familiar with what your core truth feels like: it’s that indefinable but undeniable, gut-level certainty that this is the right job, home, lifestyle, or hairstyle for me. Whether you call it gut instinct, deep knowing, or intuition, the key characteristic of core truth is that it arises from a place that is completely independent of your thinking mind.

When I decided to buy a home a few years back, my brain had a lot to say about each property we visited. Of course I had a list of what I wanted: a certain price range, a light, airy interior, wood floors, space enough for an office. And while a few of the properties fit that list, none of them “felt” quite right. In fact, one or two of the properties fit the description so well that I spent days trying to convince myself that they were right and I should make an offer right away. Still, I couldn’t move forward on any of them.

Until one day, when my realtor led me to a boxy-looking house that was a bit too close to the main road for my taste. It was an unremarkable looking place and it was painted a shade of brown that reminded me of baby poop. And yet, the second I put my foot on the driveway I felt like I was home. My first words to the realtor were, “Do not let me lose this house.” She said, “You haven’t even seen it yet!” to which I replied, “It doesn’t matter. This is my house.”

Sure enough, as unremarkable as the house looked on the outside, on the inside it was spectacular: vaulted ceilings, oversized windows, a loft office, and completely refurbished wood flooring and kitchen. I moved in and planned to live there the rest of my life.

Here’s the kicker: four years later as I was running errands I had an equally powerful feeling that it was time to sell the house! That was a pretty startling thought, given my plan of living there forever. And yet the feeling only grew stronger as the day wore on. I ended up selling my home four months later and never looked back: no regrets, no sadness, and no doubt. In fact, it turned out I sold at the top of the market and realized a lovely return on my original investment.

Most of us rely on our thinking minds to guide us through our lives. Bad idea! The thinking mind is a wonderful tool: it provides facts, theories, calculations and extrapolations, but it is meant to be used as a propulsion system, not a guidance system. Your core truth is designed to help you chart your course in life; your thinking mind then becomes a powerful tool that helps you get to where you want to go.

There is no more reliable guidance system than the voice of your core truth. When you live in alignment with that voice you discover a whole new level of ease, confidence and freedom. Your success doesn’t rely on being able to figure out the answer to everything. It relies on your ability to recognize what thoughts, words and actions reflect your truth in any given moment.

If you would like to be reminded of what it feels like to connect to your core truth, check out my free guided audio exercise in the January issue of Kripalu Retreat Center’s online magazine: http://www.kripalu.org/KripaluOnline/current.html

What has your core truth been telling you lately?

The joy (and challenge) of being who you are

2008-12-23T07:41:00.000-05:00

Dear Reader:

Welcome to my world, where the events of your life and your core truth provide all the guidance, opportunities and lessons (!) you need to propel your life forward. Looking for inner growth? You got it. Wishing for more success or fulfillment? No problem. Start paying closer attention to all the clues life brings you every day and you will soon find yourself awash with insights, "lucky" breaks and a new sense of wonder at how supported you truly are.

A LESSON:
A few holidays back I received a very special present: a friend from business school had the VHS of our annual class Follies translated onto a DVD. Have you ever been to or been in a Follies? It's hysterical. People who hardly said "boo" during the school year are suddenly on stage cracking jokes, acting out parts and singing songs - sometimes disastrously, sometimes with a skillfullness that leaves you breathless.

Apparently 20 years ago I was much less concerned about how I came across in public, because I decided to sing my version of "Over the Rainbow" from the Wizard of Oz which I had retitled "Over the Grade Curve". As I watched my younger self sing a capella and cavort around the stage I thought, "Where did that part of me go?" That younger Beverly seemed so unconcerned about what others would think of her public debut. I remember being a bit scared at the time, but mostly I was just happy to have a chance to do something goofy and unexpected. (Ahem: I was one of those students who hardly said, "boo".)

The video provided the perfect answer to a problem I had been struggling with: it seemed the more I formalized my speaking and training offerings the less enthusiastic I became about what I was doing. For example, I normally loved to write about how to live like you mean it . . . until I had to change my writing style to better fit what a website sales page or email blast "should" look like. And I loved to give talks to groups . . . until I joined several speaker organizations and discovered there were "best practices" for speakers that I should try to emulate. The harder I tried to fit these molds, the more stagnant and moldy I felt.

The video reminded me that I was most joyful when I approached life the way I had approached the Follies: instead of being concerned about getting it right or looking good, I used my Follies skit as a way to have fun and share a little bit of who I was. It was OK to be goofy and unexpected. In fact, that was what made it so much fun for me and the audience! I made a promise to myself: that whenever I noticed my scared, "gotta get it perfect" self in action I would instead look for ways to joyfully share more of who I really am. I still think my website and blogs are bit on the "get it right" side but hey, give me time!

What lessons have come into your life lately?